Article for the Georgetown Academy

Keep Your Clothes On! (And Other Helpful Advice)

When you, readers, think about chastity, the word “scary” might not be the first thing you think of, but “scary” is exactly what chastity is. Perhaps images of early Puritans, Victorian nuns with rulers and the more modern (but no less alien) “Purity Balls” spring more readily to mind. Okay, I concede that all of these things are scary, but not in the sense I mean. Perhaps the word “daunting” is more apt. Indeed, the virtue of chastity daunted even the great Saint Augustine who famously said, “Oh Lord, grant me chastity, but do not grant it yet.”

Perhaps it is this fear that also causes anger. Merely hearing the story of Saint Maria Gorretti, a young girl who died to defend her chastity against a would-be rapist, was enough to send many of my classmates in Father McManus’ class on martyrdom into fits of wrath. Father later told me that more essays were written denouncing Saint Maria’s canonization than on any other topic. A swift glance at any feministing.com or feministe.us/blog post about chastity defenders Dawn Eden, Mirriam Grossman or Wendy Shalit confirms the phenomenon.

Rather than mount a litany of arguments in defense of chastity, I will make just one and move on to more practical considerations. My argument may appeal only to Christians – so be it. We are told that “the tree is known by its fruit,” (Matthew 12:33 NIV). In other words, vice produces ill effects and virtue good. Ever since chastity was swept decidedly out of fashion by the tides of “sexual liberation” in the 1960s and 70s (if it was not already a bit out of vogue even earlier), we have watched unplanned pregnancies soar and witnessed an STI epidemic of truly astonishing proportions. As even those who support abortion and contraception acknowledge that these two products of “liberation” cause unprecedented emotional and physical strain for those who suffer from them, I think it is clear that these are bad fruits indeed. I am not – a la John Hagee – suggesting that STIs are God’s punishment for sin, I am merely pointing out that the most evident results of dismissing chastity as an ideal are undue stress and disease.

Nowadays, chastity is becoming less an outmoded ideal and increasingly a practical necessity. Upon discovering she was pregnant a little over a year after testing positive for HPV, one of my most liberal (and “liberated”) friends exclaimed, “I have become that nut job who goes around shaking my finger and saying, ‘It only takes once! Keep your skirt on!’”

And now, as promised, I will move on to more practical questions such as, “What exactly is this terrifying thing that has daunted even Saints and now inspires rage in modern feminists?” Before I attempt to shed light on what chastity might be, I will tell you a few things that it is not.

Chastity is not celibacy, nor Puritanism, nor fear of sex. Rather, it is sex as it is meant to be: sex that is directed toward much more than gratifying our immediate physical desires. As anyone who has kissed both somebody they cared nothing for and somebody they loved will acknowledge, sexual acts (even kissing!) are far more pleasing when physical pleasure is not, in fact, the principal goal. Ironically, when the primary purpose of sex is to physically symbolize love that has already been given, pleasure becomes more complete. How much more must this be true when the gift of love has been given irrevocably in marriage? Sex belongs in marriage because it is the physical symbol of marriage just as a handshake is the physical symbol of greeting and laughter is the physical symbol of joy. Just as faked laughter deceives, sex outside of marriage is, in the words of author Dawn Eden, “lying with your body.” Sex is the most intimate physical gift that can be given, and if it is not given alongside the emotional and practical union of two lives that is found in marriage, it is misplaced and deceptive.

Chastity is also decidedly not maintaining technical “virginity” while engaging in oral and anal sex, as many of today’s “virginity pledgers” apparently think it is. Finally, chastity is not easy. I will be the first to admit (after St. Augustine, of course) that chastity is really, really difficult. So, if chastity is not Puritanism, not promiscuity sans traditional sex and not an easy fix, what is it?

I will answer by way of a few guidelines from which you may choose at your own discretion. Dawn Eden introduced me to my first “chastity rule,” which she had, in turn, learned from a young Jesuit. This Jesuit offered that the line between the chaste and the unchaste is the line between affection and arousal. Intend, he advised, always to display affection and never to arouse.

The next rule I encountered I found in Lauren F. Winner’s book, “Real Sex: The Naked Truth About Chastity.” A minister had once advised her that she do with her boyfriend in private only what she would be willing to do with him in a public space. She referred to a space on her campus called the rotunda. For the Hoya, I suggest Healy Lawn. This rule, of course, presents obvious problems for both the intensely private person and the exhibitionist.

A priest at St. Peter’s Catholic Church on Capitol Hill offered the next two rules to me. The first was, “Keep your clothes on,” (a rule that unfortunately lends itself to abuse by any couple with an ounce of creativity) and the second was, “Don’t touch anything on your boyfriend/girlfriend that you don’t have yourself.”

Perhaps you, reader, will find one of the aforementioned rules amenable. If so, I advise you to quit reading here, for what follows may, even at this Catholic University, shock you. I am about to advise you to have faith in the Lord. As some one who has tried each of these rules and found in every case either the rule or myself sorely lacking, I am forced to recommend a different tactic. This tactic, namely, to put oneself into God’s hands, is scary. Instead of employing a manmade rule that requires our own weak resolve to hold steady in the face of immediate and sometimes overwhelming temptation, I urge you to take a blind and wild leap and leave the matter in the hands of one far more adept than yourself.

Todd Phillips, a preacher at nearby McLean Bible Church, argued in a sermon that to ask for a clearly defined rule is very nearly the opposite of what we should be doing. To seek some line over which we should not cross is to ask how close we can get to fire without being singed. To venture nearer and nearer to sin is to dance with the Devil and in such a dance, as the saying goes, you will not lead. You should, then, run as far in the other direction as you are able, and to do so may require such extraordinary strength that it cannot be found in our own weak bodies. You may find each step away from sin, in this case sexual sin, harder to take than the last, but if you take that first great leap into the care of the Holy Spirit, you will prevail. With each step, I think, you will find that the burden on your conscience and on your heart, which may at present appear to you as nothing more than the nagging fear of an STI or an unexpected pregnancy, will lighten. As with all things, chastity can be achieved not by (human) strength, but by His Spirit (Zech. 4:6).